Projective Identification

Melanie Klein created this term. This defensive process occurs between parents and children when the kids need their parents to hold and metabolize their feelings for them.

As a parent, especially right now, when our kids have such strong feelings and so little outlets, they need the parents to hold the crappy feelings with them and for them.

Don’t be surprised if your teen knows just what to say to give you painful feelings or to aggravate you. They need you to feel these ways for them and with them because you are an outlet and a container of their grief and anger right now, more than ever given how restricted we all are.

You can be a safe container by not reacting back, but forgive yourself if you do. Be gentle, take a break, be easy with yourself. This is a hard time for everyone.